March 12, 2005

Death by Beauty

In memoriam, Olivia Goldsmith.

Olivia -
Justine -
you weren't broken
by abandonment,
by loneliness,
by poverty
or pain,
but, paradoxically, by

Olivia -
Justine -
what were you thinking
the first time
you renamed yourself
after the feminine ideal -
that stained receptacle
of agony -
that passive object
to be fucked
& cut
& beaten.

Olivia -
Justine -
did you betray yourself
or did this world,
which no amount of words
can change,
betray you?

You fought
the fascism of fashion
with potent weapons -
and a clear-eyed gaze.
You resisted! oh, but then

you succumbed.

Olivia -
Justine -
while you lay
seemingly senseless,
what went through
your fertile female

Did you lament
the stories
never to be written?

Did you wonder
what your heroines
might say of this?

Or did you finally
feel beautiful enough
to be silent?

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